Hello and welcome to my first blog post of 2023.
This blog posts serves to explore my philosophy and ideas behind some of the recent life decisions I’ve decided to make. The big life decision I’ve made recently was taking 12 weeks off work to get a taste of what it would be like to ‘live my dream life’ – i.e. do the activities of my dream life if money were not an issue … One of the reasons for me writing this blog posts is to help me explore my ideas and patterns in my thinking, as taking the time to slow down, reflect and write things down greatly benefits me in all aspects of my life. So, without further delay – let’s begin!
Living the dream now
I’d like you to take a moment and ask yourself – what does your dream life look like? In your dream life, what are you doing day to day? How will it feel like?
So there’s this video by Brendon Burchard which someone had sent me back in 2019 and it’s really stuck with me. The video is titled “How to Have Patience Pursuing Your Dream”
Brendon offers many insights. Here are some main take-aways which hit home for me:
· Focus on doing activities that draw your passion – don’t focus on the success, outcome, the goal or the final destination.
· Brendan says he knows a lot of people who diligently worked for years to ‘manifest’ their dream, and they have manifested the outward appearance of that success. They’ve got the bigger house, cars, boats, holidays, money, but they end up sad because they FORGET the activities which bring them joy, passion and fulfilment.
· Everyone thinks that the dream exists in a destination – that is incorrect. The dream lives in the activities that you do today. Are you doing TODAY what you would be doing IF you had the outcomes you seek?
· Brendon, was working a corporate job for 6 years and throughout that whole time he wanted to be a writer and be a best-selling author… then he realised after 6 years of wanting to be a writer, he realised that HE’S NOT EVEN WRITING EVERYDAY.
· Brendan said he had a friend who wanted to be a world-class chef… his friend was working a normal job so he can have enough money to go to chef school where he can learn to be a chef. But when he asked his friend whether he cooks at all he replied “No, I will cook when I have enough money to go to chef school”
· Don’t wait to have the dream, do the dream. Connect with activities that are in your dream TODAY.
· You need to touch your dream EVERY SINGLE DAY.
This chef ‘parable’ is the thing which struck a chord with me and which made me remember this video throughout all these years (although I did not follow it and I feel like in a lot of ways I was Brendon’s wannabe chef friend).
So to reiterate the question once more, what does your dream life look like?
A couple months ago I took the time to reflect on this question and came up with the following; I want my dream life to train MMA, lift weights and make Youtube videos.
1) MMA offers an amazing world of self-development. Facing fears and there’s always new things to learn… However with powerlifting/bodybuilding, although I love the discipline of it, limits me in learning as compared with MMA. Note: I’m still lifting weights though, to be strong and maintain size.
2) Youtube – I want to help inspire people with what I’ve learnt in life and think that if I’m paid to do that or even if I am not, then that would bring me great fulfillment and would be a life purpose I would happy with. Also, from reading “How to Win Friends and Influence People”, it is apparent that a very powerful life skill to be successful is through your ability to influence. Which ties in with how sales is a great doorway to entrepreneurship. And I want to be an entrepreneur in the future.
Why don't I seem happy?
So, now after living the dream life for weeks (training MMA, lifting weights, making Youtube videos), I’ve realised that I’m not exactly as happy as I thought I’d be… and I thought to myself, if money weren’t a thing, would I still be doing the same thing?
The answer is yes, I would. What else would I be doing? I don’t think there’d be anything else I’d be doing as I defined what I would like to do and the reasons why.
So if I’m living my dream life why do I feel this way? Why do I not seem ‘happy’?
Is this the feeling people get when they get all the money in the world but still feel that there’s something missing that money can’t buy?
It’s a weird spot to be in…
And I think the answer is that there may be a flaw in the way I’m seeing things… Perhaps I need a shift in perspective.
The feeling I'm after
I want to break this down to the fundamentals… when people picture their dream lives, no matter the dream whether it is to own a Ferrari or to change the world, it is not the end outcome which people are after, but the feeling they will get if the outcome was achieved. And what is that feeling? The feeling is contentment and gratitude.
Feel the feeling NOW
So if I’m living my dream life right now, and am not ‘feeling’ right, then the thing I’m missing is the feeling of contentment and gratitude. The only constant in life is change, and I will never reach a point of complete self-actualisation as for the rest of my life I will forever be on the journey of continually growing. So, wherever I am in my journey, I need to feel content now. I need to feel the gratitude now.
And this ties into what Brendon Burchard was saying of “Everyone thinks that the dream exists in a destination… The dream lives in the activities that you do today.” The lesson? The dream is NOW. Learn to see it.
“Life is a gift, life is happiness, each moment could have been an eternity of happiness.” – Fyodor Dostoevsky
In the self-help/law of attraction space, there’s a popular saying:
– “You don’t attract into life what you want, you attract what you are”
Also, in Proverbs 23:7:
– “As a man thinketh in his heart, so is he”
So you attract what you are and what you are being. So just as feeling love attracts love, feeling abundant attracts abundance, then so to does feeling gratitude attract more of that feeling of gratitude, which is ultimately the feeling you are after when you are chasing your goals and success. So to switch that around, to be successful you must FIRST FEEL GRATEFUL.
What is success?
“Success is the progressive realisation of a worthy ideal” – Earl Nightingale
Like I said, I am on a journey and I need to know that. There’s no end destination. That’s the trap I keep falling into. “When I get there, then I’ll be content/grateful… When I get that, then I’ll be content/grateful…”
It’s a thought loop… a recursive one which is incredibly deceptive and difficult to break out of if you do not see the pattern. Which is what I keep falling into.. ahhh.
That’s why I think Earl Nightingale’s definition of success hits home. You ARE successful whenever you are progressing towards a worthy ideal. Key word – PROGRESSING. Not when you’ve achieved it, because you’ll just set a new goal after achieving whatever it is you want to achieve… but to continuously PROGRESS…
Progress signifies movement, and so does a journey, and so it is in the present, the now where my answer lies of why I have been feeling a bit ‘off’ despite living the life of my dreams – because I have forgotten that it is the journey and the process through which the fulfilment should be felt. When I am IN THE PROCESS OF ACHIEVING MY GOAL, then I should content and also be GRATEFUL … these are the ingredients of success.
Massive Change
Massive change = huge intertia = discomfort
For a rocket to break out of the earth’s atmosphere, it needs to reach escape velocity. And to do so the rocket and the people within it experience great inertia (a whole lotta G-forces) to be able to accelerate to that point of reaching escape velocity before taking off into space.
Similarly when making a quantum leap in your life, you will be assailed with inertia and discomfort… a whole lot of resistance. As Steven Pressfield writes in the Art of War:
“As powerful is our soul’s call to realisation, so potent are the forces of resistance arrayed against it”
Massive change = a shift in identity = requires different thoughts/perspectives/behaviours
I’ve been accustomed to 9-5 and having a boss tell me what to do. Also, each hour of work constitutes a dollar amount in return for my efforts.
I’m exploring new waters now; there’s no set schedule from an external source, no boss to tell me what to do, and each hour of my work does not immediately imply a set dollar amount.
The change is now I am the boss, I set the schedule, and I have to take it upon faith that for following my intuition, the calling of my inner self, that I will be monetarily compensated by the universe for doing so.
Resistance is 10x in creative pursuits
The enemy of resistance will be 10x now. Everything is on me, no one else to blame. Additionally, embarking on a creative pursuit such as painting or writing a novel comes with a whole lot of new demons. Steven Pressfield talks about the difficulty of embarking on creative pursuits because awakening the creative side (right-brain) requires submission on behalf of the logical side (left-brain), and the ego (left-brain) doesn’t like that so it produces resistance because it wants control. I heard him describe this phenomena in a podcast with Joe Rogan here:
Discipline
As mentioned, I am now my own boss and I work my own hours and to quote William Ernest Henley;
“I am the master of my fate: I am the captain of my soul.”
While I am liberated from the boss at my old place, that doesn’t come without a price.
“The truly free individual is free only to the extent of his own self-mastery. While those who will not govern themselves are condemned to find masters to govern over them.” – Steven Pressfield
With no boss telling me what to do, with no security of a 9-5 job, I will now feel the IMMEDIATE penalty of a lack of self-mastery, as there’s much more on the line. Self-mastery and self-discipline is the way I will not only survive… but THRIVE.
Having no job means that I am saying no to a steady $28.70/hour, that means I am saying no to $229.67 a day (post-tax), because I believe that if I execute what I need to do, then I will overtake that in the long run. If not, if I waste my hours or days, then that’s the penalty. That’s the cost I am paying.
I better use my time wisely then. I need to treat my life like a business.
The importance of a System
Therefore, it’s my discipline to execute the SYSTEM I create for myself which will lead me to a life of thriving, contentment and fulfilment.
One thing I’ve noticed is that I’ve lacked a system, and a lack of structure has had a negative impact on me mentally and psychologically.
James Clear writes in his book Atomic Habits;
“You do not rise to the level of your goals,
You fall to the level of your systems.”
Additionally, I’ve realised that in times in my life where I’m 100% focused and have a list of tasks I need to do and go about executing, then there’s little time for the inner demons and resistance to get me.
“The idle mind is the devil’s workshop” – John Bunyan
Therefore, I need to take the time to develop my system. Then stick to it.
The Vision
I think a system + discipline is very good, however there’s one last thing missing here… and it’s THE VISION
“He who has a why can bear almost any how” – Friedrich Nietzsche
So I’ve put up my dream board of what I want to achieve in the next 2-3 years…
But even if I see it everyday I seem to still lose sight of my vision…?
Which is really weird. When I lose sight of it, it’s a lot more difficult to be disciplined and follow the system… because I have forgotten the WHY.
So what’s going wrong here?
I have long term goals (macro goals), but I haven’t set the short term goals (micro goals). And this is why I am not feeling that great… The long term vision is too far ahead.
I need to understand my little checkpoints… Have visions for the short term and achieve them.
I need to create rules for myself, e.g.:
– I make 2 Youtube videos/week
– I make 3 community posts/week
Also I need to make a little goals book so I know my trajectory… exactly how these small things will help me progress
Affirmations
I’ve typed a lot of stuff now and there’s a lot of ‘realisations’ here. But I’m going to forget it all and go back to the previous program if I don’t make a system/constant recurring effort on reminding myself of these things.
So to combat this is including gratitude + meditation in my system, and also including AFFIRMATIONS, not only for the long but also for the short-term goals which I want to achieve.
The mind tends to wander in all sorts of direction, it goes where the wind – or life – takes it. But we were gifted with free will upon birth, and we have the power to direct our attention to anything we please. And so AFFIRMATIONS are the tool for directing our attention to what’s important.
My Frequency
You are the average of the five people you spend the most time with.
And that includes who you spend time with IN LEARNING. You ‘spend time’ with millionaires by listening to the podcasts with millionaires. You ‘spend time’ with entrepreneurs by spending time reading and listening to entrepreneurs.
I have first-hand witnessed the effect of this from listening to the Bigger Pockets Podcast, a show of successful real estate investors and entrepreneurs. One thing you gain from listening to these podcasts is that you become familiar with the THINKING PATTERNS of an entrepreneur. I’ve noticed that whenever I have consistently listened to these podcasts, then my mindset, the frequency, the thinking patterns I have become SIMILAR to that of the entrepreneurs/investors that I listen to. My resonant frequency tries to match theirs…
Thoughts and thinking patterns are extremely important in this game. And its important to maintain and nourish the thinking pattern and mindset of an entrepreneur.
I don’t really have any close entrepreneur friends. But I am EXTREMELY grateful for podcasts, as it opens the door for me to be ‘friends’ with entrepreneurs and millionaires.
I think listening to at least 30 min – 1 hour a day of an entrepreneur podcast is ESSENTIAL for me to maintain this state. Just like I need to go to the gym to maintain my muscle, then so to must I listen to podcasts to maintain the same thinking patterns and frequency of the entrepreneurs.
Rough Draft of my system
Below is a rough draft of what my day to day will look like. 4:30am wake up across the weekdays (not shown).
I like the idea of the Pomodoro technique – of having bouts of 25 minutes of uninterrupted work. It has worked extremely well for me last year, especially with low motivation when WFH – working under the timer really helped my focus.
I’ve also put the weekly goals of 2 Youtube videos per week and 3 community posts. This is going to be a non-negotiable.
In addition I will need to formulate my meditation/ affirmation/ reflection/ visualisation process… It may take me some time to come up with the right mix of stuff and figure out what works for me.
I’ll see how I go with my system… I’ll give it a test run and see how it goes. I may require some tweaks here and there, but again, this is just the first pass draft. It may change with time as I understand more of how I operate. But until then, let’s give this a crack!
